TundraGear

What Could Have Been....

2008-11-12T13:47:00.000-08:00

It’s after dark and that Survivor guy just left the warehouse. He needs to shave. As the garage door slowly began to slam shut, I make my move. Full running start, skateboard duct taped to my chest, I glide gracefully and silently under the door. Success. The Survivor guy doesn’t seem to notice, as he grumbles something to himself about “downward dogs” “chakras” and “tofu”. He is no longer of concern to me. I’m in.
The Tundra Gear warehouse is everything I hoped it would be. There are no words. Imagine maybe Willy Wonkas digs meet Santa’s Workshop with a little bit of Playboy Mansion. Then make that way sweeter.
It’s sensual overload. The smells. Oh, the smells. I always thought that the smell of cardboard would remind me of a dreary office supplies closet. No longer. The cardboard aroma now brings back memories of my hot babysitter tickling me in second grade. This makes no sense, but you know what? Neither does love. I begin to cry tears of joy. It is almost too much. The hats, like a rainbow of furry animals, frolic and cuddle with each other. Am I hallucinating as a result of pure excitement? Maybe. Am I leaving this place? Never.
The memories come rushing back.
The package came in the mail. I opened it. There it was. My Tundragear hat. I wore it for four days straight without taking it off. Did it matter that people looked at me strange? No. Did it matter that I lived in Miami in July? Why would it? Should I have been concerned that I passed out from heat exhaustion twice? Whatever; past is prologue. All that matters is that I am here now. Tundragrear headquarters. My mecca.
“What now?” I asked myself. I ripped the skateboard from my chest and began to explore. I crept from box to box, imagining the possibilities. Grabbing a handful of sports pins I begin to construct hats. I take a Penn State pin and put it on a GREEN hat and blow my own mind.
Skipping down the isles, a whistled tune on my lips and an impending arrest warrant for trespassing in my future, I take it all in. I climb into a box filled with pink hats. I am in utero for the first time since mom. And there’s no way her womb was this fluffy. Does that make me weird? Pondering this thought, I briefly contemplate my own sanity, a fleeting rush of emotion that there may be something seriously wrong with me. This passes as soon as I see the Bordo colored hats. They are absolutely adorable.
Fast forward fifteen minutes. Needless to say the handcuffs are far less comfortable than my precious Tundragear hats. The officer asks me where I live and I gesture with a nod back to the warehouse. Screw Mom and her “optional rent”. This is home now. Face pressed up against the glass I mouth the words to my precious hats “I will see you again soon”. The Survivor guy signs some sort of “restraining order” (must be some sort of way to order Tundragear in bulk or something) and walks into the warehouse shaking his head in disgust.
Do I regret my choices? Does George Bush regret invading Iraq? Does Mike Tyson regret eating ear lobe? Did Jack the Ripper regret….
Maybe I should be less impulsive.

TOP 10: Winter Hats and Barack Obama

2008-08-05T17:03:00.000-07:00

Here is a list of the top 10 similarities between Barack Obama and www.TundraGear.com's winter hats:
1) Both are very good looking.
2) Both are proven winners.
3) Both can be found in snowy climates come winter. (Barack is a Chicago resident)
4) McCain thinks both are un-American, or at least that he could do a better job. But honestly, who wants McCain wrapped around your head in a snow storm?
5) Women really dig them.
6) There is a certain mystique about them.
7) Yes we can!
8) If either enters a room, heads turn.
9) Isn't eight similarities enough?
10) Hope.

Green Bay Packers Hat Pins

2007-10-16T16:13:00.000-07:00

'nough said.

Get your Tundra Gear winter hat with Green Bay Packer Hat Pin today!

Snowboarding Hat Rocks

2007-10-16T15:58:00.000-07:00

A salute to Jimbo Jones, a man willing to test the limits of the TundraGear winter hat. Jim is quite a trooper, but he has assured us he didn't feel cold at all. All thanks to the TundraGear winter hat!

Get your TundraGear winter hat today!

Packer Fan's 1966 Lifestyle

2007-10-12T15:00:00.000-07:00

Green Bay, WI - Sitting on his front porch just before an October sunset, 63 year old Gabe Kranville looks like any other Wisconsin homeowner. That is, of course, until you get to know him. Gabe Kranville suffers from obsessive-compulsive disorder, a psychiatric anxiety disorder. Every day about an hour before the sun goes down, Mr. Kranville steps out onto his porch, lights up his pipe and watches the last of the Sun's rays. This is just one of the daily rituals that he observes. In fact, he's got a list of over thirty tasks that he completes at specific times of the day in order to maintain a calm mind. And what if he misses a task? "I start to freak out," he says. "If I miss just one task, I get a bit anxious. That usually leads to a panic attack. And before you know I'm a headcase. I've been doing the same things for the past 50 years, so you can imagine what a change in routine would do to me."
Interestingly enough, Kranville's obsessiveness is directly tied to his support of the NFL's Green Bay Packers. Starting in 1957, Gabe began following the Packers. One Sunday, while getting dressed, he put on his left shoe first and that same day the Packers won. So he decided to always put his left shoe on before his right shoe. This then led to an entire protocol for dressing himself and in 1966, when the Packers won the Super Bowl, he decided to live every year like he did in 1966.
As a result, Gabe Kranville does not use computers, touch tone phones or credit cards. He refuses to watch the Packers play on anything other than his 1964 black and white TV. His life is very simple, a throwback to days gone by.
"Gabe is really something else. I can't even begin to know what its like to live everyday like its 1966. The guy has never even tried Zima. Can you imagine?" Says neighbor Dorothy Bollinsky.
In all these years, Kranville has allowed himself just one luxury. "I wear a Tundra Gear winter hat to all the games now. I never thought I'd take off my beanie, but last winter got so cold, and I'm getting older. I saw an ad in the newspaper for these really warm looking hats, and I figured why not. To be honest, it wasn't easy at first to come dressed a little differently to the games, but it seems to be paying off. We are 4 and 1 now, and if this keeps up, you never know. We may have our 4th Super Bowl title."
Kranville may have even started a trend. "I believe hes the first person I saw walking through the gates wearing that thing, but now they're all over the place. Everybody is wearing these winter Green Bay Packers hats. They're really perfect for up here." Says ticket taker Jillian Mund.
As for Kranville, he's just happy to stay warm and watch the Packers make a run at another Super Bowl. "Its kinda funny. Looking at this hat for the first time, I thought, "No way, not a chance." But now I love it. The hat is doing a much better job than I thought it would. And my Packers this season are the same way. At first, everybody thought, "No way! Not a chance! They'll be lucky if they win one game". But 5 games into the season, people are calling these guys Super Bowl contentders!"

Follow the trend that Kranville started and get your winter hat at TundraGear!

Tundra Gear Hats - A Dating Tool?

2007-10-11T15:30:00.000-07:00

Chicago, IL - Amanda Brendoting, a 3rd year sociology major studying at the Chicago School of Manual Arts believes that Tundra Gear hats are actually a powerful attractor when it comes to dating. In a double blind test conducted over the course of 3 weeks last semester, Brendoting found that men wearing the Tundra Gear Tundra Hat were 4 times more likely to be engaged in conversation by a woman. In the study, men were selected at random and seated in public areas with the TundraGear hat on their heads. Invariably, the numbers suggest, these men were approached by women almost immediately, with the quickest response time being just under 10 seconds. Sometimes subjects would be approached by one woman and then another woman would interrupt the conversation in an attempt to gain the man's attention.

"The hats are real ice breakers, no pun intended. I mean they are warm and all. But they also have a distinct style, and women like that. We aren't living in the 90's anymore where women are afraid to go up and talk to a guy. Women are more empowered and certainly more aggressive these days. But everybody, men and women alike still struggle with good pick up lines. Its not easy to come up with witty things to say. But, if a cute guy is wearing one of these hats, its really quite easy. I mean, 'Hey, I see you like warm head, want some more?' Its as easy at that."

Amanda Brendoting's study is not without controversy, however. Former friend and sorority sister Debrah Cauling claims that Brendoting's study is flawed if not fraudulent. "Last year when she was finishing up this study, I remember it. It was just before Christmas break and lots of students had already left for the holidays. But not Amanda. She was stuck here on campus, trying to find 20 more subjects to study. Time was running out. The night before her project was due, she knocked on my door and asked to borrow my dart board. I asked her what she needed it for and she mumbled something about numbers. I pressed her for more info, but she just grabbed the board and darted back to her room. Now, I know I don't have any hard proof. But I think she used that dart board to make up the numbers. I mean, its the perfect crime. Pretend like you're relaxing and playing darts. But in all reality, you're generating a random group of numbers between 1 and 20 to use in you're precious study that you wouldn't have completed in time unless you fudged the numbers."

Even if Debrah Cauling is telling the truth and her suspicions are correct, one wonders why she would rat out her former best friend and current sorority sister. "I'm doing this for Amanda. Its the best thing. I'm not going to enable her anymore. The buck stops here."

Brendoting, when told of the accusations, was unable to hide her laughter. "Debrah is such an idiot. I finished that study weeks before it was due. I wanted the dart board so I could play drinking games with my new best friend and a couple of guys from the lacrosse team. I just pretended like it was for an assignment so she wouldn't get jealous and tell our house mother. Boys aren't allowed in the house after 8pm and Debrah is notorious for ratting out girls who break that rule."

Prof. Jenkins, the man responsible for grading Amanda's paper commented, "The study appears to be well done. Its certainly not Earth shattering in its findings. In fact, its rather stupid. But Amanda appears to have followed protocol very well. I'd say her findings are right on."

Get attention from women today with TundraGear's Tundra Hats!

A Word From Our CEO on Patriotism

2007-10-10T16:21:00.001-07:00

Dear valued TundraGear.com customers,

The past two years have been a tremendous experience for myself and the rest of the team at TundraGear.com. However, I am saddened to reveal that the business is not doing well. Despite numerous articles and reports pulished in major media outlets touting the quality of our winter hats, the company is still floundering. This has obviously created a lot of worry for me, as I am the sole financier of the company. Much has been invested and unless we turn this ship around, much will be lost.
Now I know some of you are saying, "Why should this bother me? Whats the big deal? Its just some guy who made a stupid business move."
To that I say, "Malarky!".
Look people, if I lose all of my money, its not just me facing bankrupcy, its America too. Think about it. I was the winner of Survivor, the premier reality show in the country. The cream of the crop on a show that rewards deceit, manipulation, back-stabbing, and down right lying, the very same values exhibited by our commander in chief and the rest of the Presidential cabinet. So in a sense, I'm not just a Survivor winner but am also the embassador of American political values. I personify, nay, I represent the American archetype. Do you have any idea how many people have come up and congratulated me on my performance out there on that island. I mean, I really do represent an entire ideology.
So lets put this all together. If my business goes under, a statement is being made. Its saying that lying, back-stabbing businessmen fail. And what is that saying about our President? What is that saying about Dick Cheney, Condoleeza Rice, and Alberto Gonzales? Or the leaders of our grand American corporations like Haliburton and Blackwater? A business failure at TundraGear.com could jeopardize the entire American political structure. Much like the assassination of the Archduke of the Austro-Hungarian empire started World War I, the bankrupting of TundraGear might easily be the catalyst for drastic change in American leadership. The very ideology of unilateral self-interest is at risk here folks.
So let me ask you, what kind of American are you? We are on the verge of sending a very dangerous message. Lets not send that message. Lets be better than that.
I know what you're probably thinking. You're probably thinking, "He's right. We can't let TundraGear.com fail. Its un-American to let that company fail. We've got to rally behind Aras and move his company out of the red. But how?" Well, first of all, you can't let the terrorists stop you from doing what you normally do. Thats what they want. They want you to be scared. You've got to get online and buy. Support TundraGear.com by ordering our super warm winter hats for all of your family and friends. When Christmas comes around, buy two hats for people who normally only need one. On Valentine's Day, buy your sweetie a hat, even if she already has one. Theres so much you can do! Be creative! If you bought a TundraGear.com hat last week with your Mastercard, do it this week with your Visa, and next week with your PayPal account.
Now remember, we can do this people! We are gosh darned Americans! We can win back our country! Its the right thing to do! Its the American thing to do!

With passion and excellence,

Aras Baskauskas
CEO/Founder
http://www.tundragear.com/

Be Patriotic and get yourself a warm TundraGear hat!

Scientific Proof - TundraGear Tundra Hat Is The Warmest Winter Hat on the Planet

2007-10-08T15:07:00.000-07:00

The Associated Press - In a study published in the Harvard Medical Review of Thermodynamics, scientist John Jacob Salsbury has found that the human body is best insulated when wearing the flagship winter hat made by Southern California Based Tundra Gear. The human body loses 90% of its heat via the head. When subjects were wearing the Tundra Hat that number dropped drastically, moving down to approximately 4.5% of all lost body heat.

The title of Warmest Winter Hat on Earth excites Tundra Gear CEO/Founder Aras Baskauskas. "This is great, I mean really great. You know, at TundraGear.com, keeping people warm is a really big deal. And I'm excited to say that we now have scientific proof that says our hats keep people the warmest."

In a move typical of reactionary political bollywops, a small group in northern Maine is boycotting the hat and calling for a search for the missing body heat. "You can't just go from losing 90% of your body heat through your head to losing just 4.5% of it that way. Where did the other 85.5% go? Somebody better explain. This is rediculous. This is dangerous. Terrorists must be behind this." Said Clayton Fulbridge, president of the Reactionary Conservative Coalition, a group made up of 3 former government employees who were all laid off in the mid 90's. Clayton went on, "Just think about it. If a hat is that warm, whats going to happen to all the people who make a living off of giving medical attention to people suffering from frost bite? Where are those jobs going to go? Probably to immigrants, thats where. Damn immigrants are stealing our country."

When asked what this had to do with Tundra Gear hats, Clayton simply responded "Exactly."

Get Cozy with A TundraGear faux fur hat!

Hobbits in Hats

2007-09-08T14:52:00.000-07:00

Los Angeles, CA - Famed reality television star Jack Osbourne was spotted with actor pal Elijah Wood out on the town. Both entertainers were sporting the Tundra Gear Tundra hat in black faux fur as they strolled up and down shopping mecca Melrose Ave.
67 year old shop owner Jason Venfope commented, "It was great seeing Frodo out in front of my store. I wish my grand-daughter were here to see him in his cute little furry hat. She would have probably gotten a big kick out of it. My only disappointment however is that he wasn't wearing sandals. I would have liked to see for myself just how hairy hobbit feet are."
When reminded that Elijah Wood is not really a hobbit but rather an actor Venfope responded, "Yeah, and I'm not really a struggling business owner, I'm an actor too. We're all actors. But still, it would have been great to see his feet."
Other onlookers weren't so confused by Wood's profession and were more impressed with the duo's choice of head wear. Charlene Robinson commented, "Both Elijah and Jack really have a great sense of style. I mean, its like, you know, one of the colder days of the year in LA. And like, I wouldn't know what to wear to stay warm and maintain my own distinct look. But they did. I mean, you know..."
Los Angeles stylist and fashionista Rhonda Beckett has called the hats the next big thing. She says "These hats are so unique, but also so practical. They evoke a sense of individuality and at the same time keep you warm. Its funny, because these hats aren't really appropriate for the type of weather we get in LA, but people in this town are stupid enough to let their desire to fit in dictate their clothing choices. I think with a good publicist and the right celebs dawning these things, I wouldn't be surprised if these become the next Uggs!"
Tundra Gear CEO Aras Baskauskas was not available for comment, but his secretary did mention that the company is getting ready to introduce its newest line of fanny packs come spring.

Come to TundraGear and buy a hobbit a hat!

Tundra Gear's First Commercial!

2007-08-08T11:24:00.000-07:00

If this isn't proof, I don't know what is....

Vanessa's cute little pink hat is available at TundraGear!

Balls of Steel

2007-05-22T19:21:00.000-07:00

At Tundra Gear, our hope is to provide warm winter hats to all of those people with balls big enough to brave the cold each winter season. Now if you have balls like these guys, then we're guessing you don't even need our hats.

Our hats are probably a safer bet...and they'll keep you warm.

Baron Davis Is The Man

2007-05-22T19:00:00.000-07:00

Baron Davis is the man. So much so, in fact, if he wants to own Tundra Gear, its his. We'll give it to him. Thats how much we respect El Baron. Thank you for this gift:

Baron Davis winter hats available soon!

A Lefty and A Righty

2007-05-22T18:47:00.001-07:00

We've found Fred Willard's doppleganger in Creighton Head Coach Ed Servias

An Amazing Shot

2007-05-22T18:35:00.003-07:00

This doesn't really have anything to do with Tundra Gear's super warm winter hats either....but check it out anyways.

What A Great Song

2007-05-22T18:30:00.001-07:00

There is one reason we are posting this clip: Great song and that's it. We swear!

Good Stuff

2007-05-20T18:15:00.000-07:00

This guy certainly wasn't wearing a Tundra Gear winter hat, but this is too good to be left out.

Maybe If He'd Been Wearing A Tundra Gear Winter Hat

2007-05-15T18:09:00.000-07:00

Sometimes people do some pretty stupid things. Take for example this guy. We all understand the value of a good streaker, but jeez, if you're going to do it, wear a Tundra Gear winter hat....

Bloopers - Soccer

2007-05-14T17:33:00.000-07:00

Today our focus is on those amazing professional footballers from around the land who personify the Tundra Gear message....never take yourself too seriously!

Tundra Gear's Charity of Choice

2007-05-12T17:20:00.000-07:00

We're sure you all wondering where Tundra Gear sends the portion of its profits earmarked for charity. The organization that Tundra Gear supports is a small non-profit called The Cheshire Project. The Cheshire Project, based out of Venice, CA is a group of friends who get together 4 times a year and celebrate the creative arts. Some of the people in this group of friends have disabilities and some do not. The concept behind the group is that no one gets paid or pays to be a part of this group. Cheshire runs soley on the goodwill and charitable donations of the community. During the summer camps, Cheshire focuses its energy on making a film. Last summer they made RETURN OF THE MUSKRATS. Here is the trailer for it:

Madonna Spotted Rocking a Tundra Gear Hat

2007-04-19T15:35:00.000-07:00

Tundra Gear does its best to be a socially conscious company. For example, a portion of our profits goes to various charities. We see to it that our hats aren't made in sweat shops. In that same vein, we also have a policy which dictates we don't pay celebrities to wear our hats. Thats not to say they don't wear them. In fact a whole slew of celebrites rock our gear. Its pretty rad when other companies are paying millions to get a B-list celebrity to wear their clothing and one day one of our interns looks in a gossip magazine and sees a picture of none other than Madonna sporting one of our hats! Thats the way things go over here at Tundra Gear. But when you are the dopest hat company in the solar system, you just come to expect it!

Get Madonna's hat at TundraGear now!